Who Says Online Dating's Only For Losers?

About 4 years ago, I did.

Until a good friend suggested that we try it. I had to admit, I was curious, but wasn't online dating for hideous losers and people who had something to hide? Wasn't it only for those who couldn't get a date the 'old fashioned' way?

I let my friend talk me into browsing some pictures on one of the more popular dating sites. I had to say, there were some pretty decent looking men on there. Their profiles made them sound like fairly mentally stable human beings. I had to admit that the single thing was getting really tedious. I had done the bar scene (as we all have), had friends try to 'hook me up' with some other dateless, picky single person (though, why some of them figured they had the right to be picky, I have no idea), with no success.

Online dating, here I come. I figured "What do I have to lose?" At the absolute worst, I'd meet more of the same type of losers that I'd been meeting. At best, I'd meet someone that I was actually compatible with who could also relate to me.

I had another dilemma with regard to the dating thing. I had been divorced for about a year at the time, and I have 2 children. Now, I know that you ladies who are divorced with kids can completely relate to what I'm saying here. Finding a decent man is difficult enough, add to that the fact that I'm looking for a decent man whom I can trust to be around my children. Finding a man anywhere on this planet, that I wouldn't mind having my son emulate, is like trying to find a pair of Manolos on sale at Sears.

Anyway, I signed up with my friend on one of the 'bigger' dating sites. I met one dude, who said in his profile that he was 5'10", with an athletic build. He had an attractive face, he was divorced, and he had 3 children who were presently in his custody. He sent me an email. We corresponded via email for about 2 weeks, after which time, we decided to meet for lunch at a local restaurant.

He arrived at the restaurant earlier than I did. Early enough to have been already seated when I got there. He barely stood up to shake my hand upon saying 'hello', which I thought was a little weird, but whatever. We talked from lunch time until the hour turned into dinner time. The conversation was going so great, that we decided to stay for dinner, after which time, we decided to take in a movie. When the waitress brought the bill, he paid it and as we stood up to leave, I saw why he was already seated at the restaurant when I got there, and why he didn't fully stand up to greet me. This dude was about 5'7" tall! Now, I'm 5'4", and in the boots that I was wearing, I was nearly taller than he was! I was so cheezed that I immediately lost my taste for the movie, made up some excuse about not feeling well all of a sudden (it must have been the fish), and boogied on atta' there.

On my way home, I thought, "Is this what online dating is? Dating loser after liar, never finding that 'one'?" I'm not saying that this dude was a loser because he was short. The entire problem for me, exists in the fact that he LIED. I can't stand liars. If he lied about something as obvious as his height, what else would he lie about?

I learned very quickly that when it comes to online dating, one has to be extremely specific about what one wants, and one has to stick to her guns. Not that some of those who read those specifications give a hoot anyway. I put in my profile that I wasn't interested in dating anyone over 45, and I got mail from men well past that age on a regular basis.

I learned that I had to be assertive almost to the point of being aggressive when it came to dating online. I had to say what I meant, and mean what I said. As a result, I'm dating someone (8 months now) who meets every piece of the criteria that I set out to find in a man. He's physically attractive (Yes, it DOES MATTER), and Lord help me, he's as smart as a computer (brains makes me weak). He's also an amazing person inside, and he gets along well with my children. We live at completely opposite ends of the city, and if it weren't for bumping into each other online, I'm sure we would never have met.

I chose to think about online dating as follows; when I'm in a bar, and some loser tries out his lame pickup line on me, I have to respond to him in some manner, right? When I'm dating online, I don't have to respond at all! I have more men to choose from than those in my immediate circle of friends and associates, and am able to choose from as far away as I want to.

If you're thinking about doing the dating thing online, go for it! If you're smart, you have nothing to lose, and absolutely everything to gain.

Copyright 2005 Nicolette Arden All Rights Reserved
About the Author

Nicolette Arden writes regularly about the pros and cons of online dating, and will soon be a regular contributor with her own column ("Ask Nic") at Warner Digital Media Inc. (www.warnerdigitalmedia.com).

Written by: Nicolette Arden

Questions, Questions and More Questions

by Pat Stevens


After you have had a few dates with someone and you think it might be going somewhere, you begin to ask more serious questions about their childhood, family, job etc.


Eventually the relationship might progress to where the really tough questions must be asked. Like "have you ever slept with someone without using a condom" or "how much debt do you have"? There is no easy way to bring up these questions.

Recently, I received a copy of Michael Webb's newest book, 1000 Questions for Couples: What you absolutely must know about the person you are with. This book is going to make those difficult questions much easier to ask.

The questions start off easy like "Has anyone dear to you died? How did you handle it" and "About what things are you most selfish." They slowly progress (just like your relationship should) until you get to those questions that you simply can't avoid if you are going to commit your life to living with someone. There are questions on drug addictions, abuse, child rearing, finances and lots of questions about sex. And because these questions are coming from a book, you don't feel like "you" are asking them.

A special bonus that I really liked was the option to get 3-5 of the book's questions emailed to me each day. That way I could forward the questions on to my beloved and we could each read over them and forward the answers to each other that night. I can see where this would be very valuable for those in long distance relationships.


While there are a lot of questions in this book that are crucial for couples in the dating stage, the majority of the questions are useful for people who are already married. If you value your relationship, I urge you to ask these 1000 Questions for Couples. read more  





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