Torn Between Two Lovers?

Torn Between Two Lovers?

Torn between two lovers/
Acting Like a Fool/
Loving both of you/
Is breaking all the rules.

When Mary Macgregor sang that in the 70s, 2 million people bought the single. Who do you think those were? I would say teenagers.. you say women? Probably men.. men over forty to be precise . To be torn between two lovers literally means both are attracting you in opposite directions. Loving both of them means you love both, but are in love with none. You like both and just cannot make up your mind as to which one is ‘better'. In her song, Mary says she has a place in her heart that only Mr. X can fill; yet, the place she gave Mr. Z is his still.. This is getting confusing. Ok, let me inspect with you the psychological make up of a woman in love. All women know that a woman loves a man for his love for her. Of course, she could be attracted to someone who does not even know her name; but deep down, what makes her love a man is his (true) love for her. Now, suppose two people are in love with a woman, would not she feel torn between both of them as to whom she should end up with? It is getting reasonable now. So she loves two persons.. we all can love a dozen simultaneously; yet, we can only be in love with one person at a time. What Mary is really saying is I love both of you, cannot decide which one I want; so please let me keep both of you (until I make up my mind).

Because a woman loves on receiving signals from the man involved that he loves her, the situation is understood. But when it is a man who is torn between two lovers, he can only be ‘enjoying' two lovers, ‘fooling' with two lovers, ‘misleading' two lovers, ‘cheating' two lovers and ‘abusing' the love of two lovers. Why? Because a man initiates the bond of love ( I am not discussing dating or flirtation or seduction here). If a man goes out of his way to lead on Ms X today and again to lead on Ms. Z tomorrow, he is a PHILANDERER. This is the behaviour of a playboy, not a Romeo. You can have feelings for two people; but you can not be in love with two people and should never pretend to be. We all had vague glimpses of such experiences during our early teenage. Once, we grew up, we knew that such feelings are not love but admiration. When you admire two people, the scales will have to tip on one side eventually; so even then, there is a choice to be made.
Being torn is a momentary state, where one is begging to have all his options laid on the table without disturbance, so that he/she could have all the time in the world to make an informed decision. This is not love. It has little to do with love. Here, we are discussing who is ‘better'; who is ‘more suitable' for me. Not ‘ whom I am in love with'.

To be torn between two lovers, is to have two overlapping affairs where none is more important than the other. If it is a man, there is no ‘other woman' here. In fact, the two women are ‘other' women. Just like Sherayar, this man is enjoying the variety supplied. Shehreyar was not in love before Shehrezad. When she came, she became the only one. Next time, you hear a gentleman claiming to be torn between two lovers, please poke his two eyes for me!

About the Author

Egyptian-born writer and poet who is mainly published in English.

Written by: Nevine Al Seidi

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