It can be the stuff of which fantasies are made and here’s why: to him it is a fantasy.

So how can you tell that the man you're dating is married?

1. You’re suspicious.

Suspecting every man is prejudice, and means nothing. However, if you suddenly get suspicious about the particular man you’re dealing with, trust your instincts. Where there’s smoke there’s fire.

2. His tone of voice gets guarded, he won’t make eye contact and is evasive when certain topics come up like family, children, vacations, where he lives, etc.

He isn’t fully disclosing when it would seem appropriate. He alludes to things he’ll tell you about later.

3. He insists that all contact be on his terms only.

He gives some reason why you must only call him at work or on his cell. You ask for his home phone number and he refuses to give it to you. Disregard the reason. They can be ingenious about this and if you’re love-daffy, you’ll find a way to rationalize his particular excuse. Don’t.

4. It's the best sex you've ever had.

Nothing stokes a man's fire like forbidden love unless it's forbidden love with no possibility of the "c" word.

5. His heart’s not on the line.

You sense an imbalance of vulnerability, and this is intuitive. When two available people are dating, both presumably are anxious for it to work out, and are equally at-risk. When you’re playing for keeps and he’s just playing, he won’t care as much about how you’re getting along. He has the security of the marriage and nothing to lose but an exciting good time.

6. There’s a white line on the fourth finger of his left hand, a tan-line from where his wedding ring usually is, and is not when he’s with you.

Or you see the outline of a ring in his shirt pocket.

7. After an appropriate amount of time he doesn't suggest meeting each other's friends.

8. He gives strange reasons for not wanting to go to certain places (like your favorite restaurant).

You first met him at a dance hall (where he’s known and someone might tell his wife) and after that every place he takes you to is in another county. (There's a part of town he definitely avoids. Guess why?)

9. When he's with you he pays for restaurants, motels, resorts, and airplane tickets in cash rather than by credit card.

10. He is never available on Sundays.

In some cultures, and with many men, Saturday night may be Boys Night Out, but Sunday is strictly “family time.” Ditto for holidays. This is part of that peculiar male honor code: OK to cheat. But not on July 4th. That's family time.

©Susan Dunn, MA, Life Coach, http://www.susandunn.cc . Coaching Internet courses and ebooks for your personal and professional development. Susan is the author of Midlife Dating Survival for Women, available at http://www.webstrategies.cc/ebooklibrary.html. Mailto:sdunn@susandunn.cc for free ezine.

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