Love Makes The World Go Round!
Copyright © Lisa van den Berg
I must admit to being a whole half of one of those really soppy, wonderful marriages you see on rose tinted TV.
It never really rings true with me when people say , 'I'm one half of a whole'
One of the wonderful things in our relationship is the fact that we are two 'wholes' that make up a great big hole (oops… whole :-)
We should, if truth be told, never have gotten married according to the state of our relationship at the time. We are two totally different people and from such immensely different backgrounds and upbringings that had we looked at it all logically, it would have been doomed from the start.
Love, I suppose you could say, saved the day!
He makes me laugh. I mean the real belly aching, gut wrenching shake that no-one else finds in the least bit funny, but we collapse over.
He makes me feel safe. Although I am a very independent woman, he holds me tight and fights the monsters when they come too close (and I love it).
He tells me I'm being silly, when I am, and I sit and listen (whether I agree or not is a completely different matter).
He loves coming home to me and we run and hug each other the moment the door swings open (we could be compared to two Labradors on first meeting)
We dance at the drop of a hat and don't care who's watching
And we can sit quietly in each others company for hours on end.
Some of the things that have changed since that day we got married have been conscious and some completely not.
For instance; He openly admits that he adores me but that if our marriage were to deteriorate beyond repair, he would seek another mate. This used to have me sobbing for an entire day as I was very clingy and believed in the whole 'fairytale'. When I realized that we would have to constantly work at our relationship to keep each other 'in love', I took responsibility for each and every experience we have, and so does he (and it's wonderful)
He was very emotionally closed after an awful divorce and would not let me in, at first. Instead of harping on the fact that he wouldn't talk (you know how a woman's gotta talk), I let him be and just showed him that I could be trusted beyond a shadow of a doubt. When he realized this, he opened up and now let's me know if there's an issue.
When he comes home from an awful day at the office (you can just SEE it on their faces, can't you?), I kiss him hello and leave him alone until he is calmer and comes to talk to me. Similarly, if I am in a crying mood, he lets me rant and just listens for a while. When I'm done he kisses me and wipes my tears. We have both learnt that figuring out what is a highly charged emotional state in one of us, needs to be treated in a way that will soothe the other person, in order to keep harmony.
He knows that if he doesn't let me rant, I will be in a BADDD mood for a year or two, and I know that if I nag when he needs to calm down, I'll get the silent treatment for a year or two.
So it basically comes down to the study of Human Behavior. You have the choice of two consequences of your actions. Choose the result you wish to have and then act in a way that will produce that result. Give all the love you have to give and it will be returned manyfold.
We are as happy as we are because we work at it. Do a little something every day that will strengthen your relationship.
Based on this principle, may all your relationships go the way you consciously direct them and love will continue to make the world go round :-)
Lisa van den Berg is the author of Alleviate-Stress - How to WIN at the Game of Life! She also publishes a weekly e-zine 'Empower Your Life!' that's filled with tips and techniques that will help you live the Life you deserve. Subscribe now at http://www.thealternativerookie.com !
