Why is it people, especially the media, thinks that looking for love on the internet is shameful? The discrimination is particularly evident if you are looking for a foreign bride. I met my wife, Eileen, who is Filipina, on the internet. The narrow-minded nay sayers like labeling this media as “mail order bride” They seem to believe these ladies are enslaved by Western men who are seeking a foreign wife. And if by chance a relationship of this sort does go sour, they use this as all-inclusive evidence that looking for love on the internet is morally wrong.
There are more success stories then failures. But news isn’t news unless it is negative or controversial. There are thousands of happy couples who found each other on the internet, but this will not make the news nor the Maury Povich show (I remember many years ago how Muray tried to belittle a man and his Filipina wife who met on the internet despite their obvious love for each other – check out their website: http://www.jeffreyleehollis.com/mauryp.html ).
Let me use the Philippines as my bases for discussion. These ladies are not forced to do anything they don’t want to do. The argument is these ladies are so poor they will do anything to get out of their country. Let me agree with this statement to a degree. The fact that a lady is looking for a relationship to improve her status is not conclusive to the Philippine culture. I haven’t met many American women who are willing to get involved in a relationship if it doesn’t improve her status. Consequently, this view is based mostly on hypocrisy and prejudice. Most women, no matter their culture, hope to meet a man who improves their lifestyle.
Most ladies from the Philippines aren’t concerned about a man’s looks. Obviously, she wants him to be clean, but his behavior is far more important then his looks. In her country she is treated as a second class citizen. She is seeking something or someone who will show respect and appreciation for her efforts to be the lady of the house. In her country, these efforts are demanded with little appreciation. She simply wants to be loved, cared for and appreciated for who she is. She is a woman who is full of love – not a piece of property.
You constantly hear that these ladies are subservient. My Filipina Lady has her own mind and if she wants to serve me in any way, she does so out of love, appreciation and desire. In turn, I do for her with gratitude, love and appreciation. It’s a choice, not a demand. It’s this chemistry that mostly attracts men to a Filipina lady. They are not looking for a submissive wife any more then these ladies are looking for great wealth. What some Western men don’t want is a tug of war between the sexes. The simplicity of a woman and man’s love not having to compete or be threatened by equality issues is refreshing. The label we use to explain this desire is “looking for a lady with traditional values.” In our world the equality is wanting to be who you are, not what society thinks you should be.
There is a bottom of line to all this - the couple involved. If they are happy and found love, why should we care how they found it. With America’s divorce rate as high as it is, there is no proof that traditional courtship is a better way to look for love. I say, if you find love, it should be celebrated rather then trying to demoralize the vehicle that helped you find that bliss.
If you want to search for and find love on the internet do it with pride and leave the shame to those who rather look for fault rather then the hope we seek in our search for love.
Daniel Baney is a webmaster for several online dating services. His online dating experience is the resource for his website content.
(1) http://www.filipinaeyes.com
(2) http://www.filipinalady.biz
(3) http://www.filipina-lady.org
(4) http://www.filipina-lady.net.
