How Do I Love Thee?

I was recently having a conversation with a client about
relationships and we uncovered an interesting fact:
Sometimes, the way we need to show love isn't the way that
others need to feel love.

I'm sure there are many books written on this subject, but
we came up with a simple way to find out how the other
important people in your life get to feel loved. Just pay
attention to how they show love to you.

For the most part, we know what makes us feel loved, so we
assume that is true for everyone else. When we encounter
others we love, we show them our love by what works for us.
Most of us don't even think about, let alone talk about
it, so it's not surprising that we don't 'get' that
there are different ways to show and feel loved. Some
examples might be:

(a) Physical demonstration, lots and lots of hugs

(b) Small gifts or 'necessities' that say 'I was thinking
about you when you weren't in my face'.

(c) Saying, frequently, 'I love you'.

(d) Asking pertinent questions about your day, how you're
feeling, what you think about things, etc.

(e) Working their butt off to provide the other person with
stability, security, food, shelter.

Here are some ideas to make use of this information:

1. Once you notice how they are showing love to you, and you
know how you show love to them, try an experiment. Within a
half hour period, show them love in two ways. First, show
it your normal way and then within 20 to 30 minutes, show
them love the way you notice they show you love. Check out
the reaction from each. Which one seemed to be felt deeper?
Which one got the biggest smile? Wow! Just think what it
would do to your relationship if you always got that
biggest smile!

2. Either share the experiment or tell the others in your
life what really makes you feel loved. Unless it's pointed
out to us, most of us don't get this 'intuitively'. Why
sit around waiting for them to figure it out when you could
be feeling loved? After all, you needed someone to point it
out to you!

3. If the other person shows their love by working their
butt off to make your life better, I think the simplest way
to have them feel love is to acknowledge what they do and
how much you appreciate it.

4. What makes me feel loved might be different depending on
who the person is (a parent vs a spouse, for example)

5. I probably need all the different forms of being shown
love at different times, depending on what I'm
experiencing at the time. However, there is one that is
dominant, that will do the trick most of the time.

6. It is possible to experience the shift of 'knowing'
that you are loved to 'feeling' you are loved. And
feeling that you are loved may be one of the greatest
tonics ever.

About the Author

(c) Louise Morganti Kaelin. Louise is a Life Success Coach
who partners with individuals who are READY (to live their
best life), WILLING (to explore all options) and ABLE (to
accept total support). Find many free resources to assist
you in living the life of your dreams at
http://www.touchpointcoaching.com For her free newsletter
of insightful, practical suggestions for creating your best
life, email mailto:on-536@ezezine.com

Written by: Louise Morganti Kaelin

Questions, Questions and More Questions

by Pat Stevens


After you have had a few dates with someone and you think it might be going somewhere, you begin to ask more serious questions about their childhood, family, job etc.


Eventually the relationship might progress to where the really tough questions must be asked. Like "have you ever slept with someone without using a condom" or "how much debt do you have"? There is no easy way to bring up these questions.

Recently, I received a copy of Michael Webb's newest book, 1000 Questions for Couples: What you absolutely must know about the person you are with. This book is going to make those difficult questions much easier to ask.

The questions start off easy like "Has anyone dear to you died? How did you handle it" and "About what things are you most selfish." They slowly progress (just like your relationship should) until you get to those questions that you simply can't avoid if you are going to commit your life to living with someone. There are questions on drug addictions, abuse, child rearing, finances and lots of questions about sex. And because these questions are coming from a book, you don't feel like "you" are asking them.

A special bonus that I really liked was the option to get 3-5 of the book's questions emailed to me each day. That way I could forward the questions on to my beloved and we could each read over them and forward the answers to each other that night. I can see where this would be very valuable for those in long distance relationships.


While there are a lot of questions in this book that are crucial for couples in the dating stage, the majority of the questions are useful for people who are already married. If you value your relationship, I urge you to ask these 1000 Questions for Couples. read more  


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