Dating at Middle Age

After several years of remaining single, and raising children alone, I contemplate entering the dating market once again. At 42, I’m expecting more challenges than previously encountered in my younger years. I’ve read the books on dating after age 35 years old, and it appears dating has been relegated to a marketing skill. I need to grow my hair long, because guys prefer longer hair, make sure I’m in shape, maybe a nip and tuck here and there under a surgeon’s knife would increase my chances. Women outnumber men significantly as we age, so one must strategize to beat the odds. As I read all of this, I seriously wonder, if I really want to go there.



Transforming self into a middle age Barbie doll somehow seems plastic, and so unreal. How does a person maintain their true self, while attempting to appeal to the available market? On-line Christian dating services appealed as a starting place. I carefully plotted out answers to basic questions to describe myself, and what I was seeking in a man – easy enough. I filled out the personality section, and posted a picture. For a mere $9.95/month, I began the journey down the road to romance. Responses to my posting came quickly. At first, men would send little flirts. Finally one wanted to correspond, and quickly progressed to lunch together. John seemed like a nice guy. We conversed for several hours over soup and salad. We parted ways, and John promised to call. Later that evening, he did call, but the conversation changed. Now that we had met, John wanted to rendez-vous at a hotel to get to know each other. Floored at first, I regained my composure, and nicely declined the invitation, and decided to move on with my search. Naively, I felt that a Christian dating service would postpone the sex talk a while – silly me!



After my first experience, I refined my personality responses to indicate that I wanted to spend time getting to know someone well – and nicely mentioned the fact that I didn’t want to relive a “fools rush in” scenario. Responses to my ad sharply declined. While not surprising, future opportunities, I hope, will be with men of a certain character. Maybe I’m deluding myself to think that I can find a person willing to spend time developing a deep spiritual relationship. Even if it means years of solitude, I plan to wait for the white knight in shining armor. If I have to be a Barbie doll, surely some of the men will be willing to assume the white night role.



Copyright (c) 2005 Laurel Aiyana. All rights reserved.

About the Author

Laurel Aiyana lives in Milford Center, Ohio with her two children. Retired at a young age due to illness, she seeks to reinvent herself as a writer, and hopefully touch others.

Written by: Laurel A. Aiyana

Questions, Questions and More Questions

by Pat Stevens


After you have had a few dates with someone and you think it might be going somewhere, you begin to ask more serious questions about their childhood, family, job etc.


Eventually the relationship might progress to where the really tough questions must be asked. Like "have you ever slept with someone without using a condom" or "how much debt do you have"? There is no easy way to bring up these questions.

Recently, I received a copy of Michael Webb's newest book, 1000 Questions for Couples: What you absolutely must know about the person you are with. This book is going to make those difficult questions much easier to ask.

The questions start off easy like "Has anyone dear to you died? How did you handle it" and "About what things are you most selfish." They slowly progress (just like your relationship should) until you get to those questions that you simply can't avoid if you are going to commit your life to living with someone. There are questions on drug addictions, abuse, child rearing, finances and lots of questions about sex. And because these questions are coming from a book, you don't feel like "you" are asking them.

A special bonus that I really liked was the option to get 3-5 of the book's questions emailed to me each day. That way I could forward the questions on to my beloved and we could each read over them and forward the answers to each other that night. I can see where this would be very valuable for those in long distance relationships.


While there are a lot of questions in this book that are crucial for couples in the dating stage, the majority of the questions are useful for people who are already married. If you value your relationship, I urge you to ask these 1000 Questions for Couples. read more  


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