Dating Advice: There Is This One Special Girl I'm Longing For...

Be honest. It has happened to all of us. There was this girl... A girl you might have never even talked to... But still... You couldn't help but think about her all day... And the more you thought about her, the less courage you had to go up to her and invite her for a get-together.

The above situation repeats itself from time to time. Back in high school with the girl who went one class below you, at university with that wonderful woman who always sat in the second row or later with the lady who works at the room next to yours.

And the damn feeling, this one-sided "love" keeps reappearing and making your life a misery. The more you idolize these girls, the further they go from your reality, and being with them one day in the future becomes nothing more than a mere fantasy.

Lesson #1: In a relationship but more importantly, when going out for the first time with somebody, it's always the person with less emotional involvement who dictates and chooses. This means if you go out with a girl, and you let your happiness depend on how the date goes, you are ruining your chances before you had any. The more you stress yourself about a certain girl, the more emotionally involved you become and as a result, you are almost GUARANTEED to get rejected.

Lesson #2: Girls like to look up to their men for something. If you ask some girls who are in love with their partners, they will always adore him for something in his personality. It doesn't matter why, but a woman has to look up to her man. If you idolize a girl and put her on a pedestal, she will sense it instantly. She will feel that SHE IS THE ONE IN CONTROL. As soon as this happens, you are NOT A CHALLENGE for her anymore. The result? You get rejected.

Lesson #3: When you have to work hard for your chocolate, it will always taste sweeter. If you walk into the supermarket and choose one from the huge collection of sweets, there is no challenge in it. But when you have to work hard to get that "one special" chocolate... Now that's a CHALLENGE! It's the same with women. If you are not that easy to get, if she senses that you might leave (and don't come back) in any moment, she will be challenged and likely to become attracted to you.

Have you ever seen 8 guys drooling over the same woman, fighting for her attention? Which one of them do you think has got the girl? The 9 th, who was watching from a distance while showing no interest towards her. The girl thought: "Why doesn't he come here like all the other guys? Doesn't he like me? I must find out why..." In the end, it was the girl who approached the guy and wanted something from him. Now that's the POWER OF CHALLENGE and CURIOSITY. Never underestimate it!

When you think you "love" a girl you have never even talked to, you keep going round and round in a vicious circle. You keep playing with the thought of being with this "one special girl" in various situations. This projection of pictures in your mind creates a lot of energy. This energy wants to explode and unless it can do so (by being with the girl you dream about) it will create a lot of stress and tension inside you. It's an endless loop. If you try to ignore the feeling with force, it will reappear and become even stronger.

Realize that this is not "real love"; it's just a form of LUST TO POSSESS. You don't even know this girl; you are just driving yourself around in this circle. The solution? First, admit this feeling to yourself, then carry on with your life. Don't ignore it; just notice that it's inside and you can't do anything about it. Try to watch yourself from "the outside", from a neutral point of view. And the second step is to focus your energy on something else. Like going out and meeting other women. As soon as you kiss or get closer to another girl, this "one special lady" will be of less importance to you.

Lastly, there is a secret. Even the biggest badass players get this feeling from time to time. They just learn to deal with it, and thanks to their skills, it's easier for them to get other women and focus on them instead. You can do yourself two big favors. First, learn to get over your fear and approach the woman you are longing for. That way even if you get rejected, it happens sooner and you haven't wasted weeks or months from your life. The second is to learn how to get women. Not only for knowing how to deal with this girl, but with that skill, it will also be easier to heal your wounds and get over her.

Written by: Giuseppe Notte

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