The work around a house or apartment has got to be some of the least thanked work ever created. Whether it is the yard work on the weekend, plumbing as it arises, daily dishes & errand running, we tend to overlook the assistance that our spouse and children offer us regularly.
Part of why being at home is so tiring for some is the simple fact that the ongoing work of maintaining regular life is hardly regarded as special.
We don’t forget to say thank you for trips to Hawaii, or Prague (gift love-language).
We sparkle with delight after a full body massage (touch love-language).
We treasure all those times of close one-on-one talks (quality time love-language).
But what about gifts of service? Do we appreciate those?................. sometimes.
When someone in your house regularly contributes to the existence of the household—be sure to commend them. The trick is that you need to give back appreciation/love in a way that they recognize it.
Find out the number 1 love language of the family member that is contributing to your household running smoothly. Then show them love by speaking that language to them. For instance, lets say your husband mows the lawn and fixes the electrical problems around the house. He also irons, walks the dog, changes the baby in the middle of the night, and waxes your car by hand after every wash. Now, he is obviously contributing love to you and the family through the language of gifts of service.
Does that mean you are to do service back to him so he can feel loved too? Sometimes. In some cases being tended to or waited on will help him feel loved and reciprocated to. However, he may have grown up watching his dad do those things and merely believes that is the way to show love. This may be one way he contributes but doesn’t prove it is his love language.
Do a study on him. Find out what his PRIMARY love language is so that when he contributes to the household in anyway—you will have ideas of how to appropriately show your appreciation.
Reason I bring this up = If you show appreciation in one of the 4 secondary love languages that rank below your husbands primary love language--- he may not fully feel appreciated. He may eventually feel taken advantage of, and slowly over time he may decrease his input in this way. So, if you want the help to continue be sure to show your appreciation in HIS primary language.
Example:
If “Tom” has a primary language of touch—then hugs, kisses, and caresses would be appropriate to say Thank You.
If “Tom” has a primary language of gifts -- then perhaps a new golf club or video game might be nice to say Thank You.
If “Tom” primarily speaks the love language of words of affirmation—then be sure to praise him during and after his service.
If “Tom” leans towards the love language of quality time—then go someplace alone to hang out and spend time together, or send the kids to bed early so you can cuddle and talk.
Finally, If indeed “Tom” primarily values love through the giving and receiving of acts of service then find some ways for you to contribute to his life through some acts of service—pick up dry cleaning, wash his car, have dinner ready get the house & kids cleaned before he gets home etc.
As I have told several of you…. We speak 5 unique languages.
It is not enough to just pick one and speak it to everyone in the house.
If your son or daughter are “touch” kids and you primarily use words of affirmation to show love… chances are they are not feeling ALL the love you are trying to show. A simple hug, or touching of toes while watching a video would go much much further for that “touch” kid.
Each person is unique. And they develop their own world accordingly. It actually is possible to be showing someone a HUGE amount of love—yet they complain they are not loved at all / or at least enough. This is a simple sad truth. The reason for it is they register love primarily in a love language that you are not using to give back.
So let’s fix that !!
If you are in a family or friendship with someone that is feeling under appreciated—take an inventory to discover their primary love language.
Then try for 20 days to daily show them 3 small doses of love in THEIR love language of choice.
When it is all done after 20 days… send me an email and tell me of all the differences that came about from your giving love in the way they needed it.
Until next time-- all the best,
Kate
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Kate Hufstetler is a well established business & personal coach who has helped many individuals like yourself to beat "the blues" and gain control over their lives. Her clients come from both the United States and overseas. She offers coaching services via email and phone consultations at flexible timing and financing to meet your every need. Through personal, business, spiritual mentorship, she could help you too! Please visit for available packages within your range: http://www.comedreamwithme.com/start_today.html
Kate@comedreamwithme.com
